I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Randomize
