Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
