I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
