i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
