White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
