sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
