Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
