My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
