I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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