So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
