yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
