How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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