all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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