I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
