I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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