if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
