She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
