Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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