We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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