are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
