i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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