yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
