HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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