I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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