you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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