ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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