btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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