idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
