i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
