I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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