how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
