i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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