I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize