New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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