My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
