Dual....:-)
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
