u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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