It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
