I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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