new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
