Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
