Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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