I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
