dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
