It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
