My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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