Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
