end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish you could order shots online.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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