I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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