Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
