I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
