the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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