Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.