Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
