i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
