i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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