ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
