Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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