Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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