Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
