I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
