Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
