I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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