We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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