Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The uberlube is also flammable
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
