Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
