If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
