I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
