I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize