I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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