Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
