I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
