even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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