"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
