Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
