You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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