I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
